This time, it’s for real

Arte Moreno

Arte Moreno leaves a serious mess for new owner Stan Kroenke to clean up.

A headline in The Athletic called the depths to which the Angels have sunk in the past decade plus the result of their soon-to-be-former owner’s meddling, myopia, and penny-pinching. That’s almost like saying the depths to which the nation has been plunged are the result of its president’s egoism, narcissism, and avarice. Thank you, Captains Obvious.

Angel Stadium is a hope, skip, and catcher’s throw to second base from what’s been called (mostly by its founder and the company he bequeathed) the happiest place on earth. The ballpark itself, and the fan base that fills it almost in spite of itself, hadn’t been the happiest place on earth in a very long time, until this week past.

Arte Moreno first entertained selling the Angels in August 2022 . . . until he didn’t. It wasn’t nice to tease Angel fans suffocating over a team’s ineptitude built (or should we say unbuilt) by the very owner teasing the sale. Then came Wednesday of this week, when the news broke like New Year’s Eve fireworks that Moreno agreed to sell at last, to Stan Kroenke and his Kroenke Sports and Entertainment group.

Christmas in September! Our long national nightmare is on the threshold of over! Goodbye, Arte, goodbye Arte, goodbye Arte, we don’t hate to see you go! There may have been no way season-long “Sell the Team!”-chanting Angel fans could have out-celebrated that news. Not yet, anyway.

The early reviews and previews have had it that Kroenke likes to win, owns a few other sports franchise who like to win just as much, and isn’t what Moreno proved to be. Kroenke isn’t known to be fearful of reasonable investment in his teams and their facilities. The Angel news was barely a day old when speculation arose that he’s willing to build the Angels a brand-new ballpark. With his own money, even.

Moreno was major league baseball’s first Latino owner, and one with pockets almost as deep as the Damn Dodgers or the Empire Emeritus. But this big-market owner with big-market resources preferred to spend like a flea market owner in a one-horse town—where the horse was a hobby horse. Unless he could find what once animated a certain longtime Yankee owner: “name guys who put fannies in the seats.”

Whether they cohered into a solid baseball team was the question Moreno could always ask later.

Since the Angel sale was first announced, observers have tripped over themselves and each other trying to decide Moreno’s top five foul-ups, bleeps, and blunders. Only five? Here we go again:

* He ordered then-GM Tony Reagins to deal for Vernon Wells after he couldn’t convince future Hall of Famer Adrián Beltré to sign as a free agent. Ignorance wasn’t bliss: the Blue Jays probably popped champagne corks over the declining Wells becoming someone else’s headache.

* Seeking scapegoats instead of solutions, he purged international scouting director Clay Daniels and overall scouting chief Eddie Bane over bonus skimming by some Daniels subordinates and never really seemed to address the Angels’s scouting problems at their depth.

* He addressed the Angels’s chronic pitching issues with bargain reclamation projects instead of sound development and free agency pickings—then, he (and Angel fans) watched enough of those projects deflate in Anaheim but a) find revival elsewhere; or, b) leave the game as what-ifs.

* He refused to deal Shohei Ohtani approaching two trade deadlines for much-needed infusions of youth and minor-league replenisments, then watched him walk into free agency and the Dodgers’s arms and back-to-back World Series championships.

* He handled injury-addled Josh Hamilton’s drinking relapse more clumsily than Donald Trump handles international relations: Hamilton obeyed the protocols and told on himself at once, but his Angels boss of bosses ran him out of town on a rail into the arms of the Rangers who wouldn’t have to pay a thing to take him back.

* He refused steadily to entertain dealing Mike Trout for needed youth and farm infusions and wasted the prime of the single greatest position player the Angels have ever known, now in an injury-depleted decline phase in which he has occasional flashes of his former self.

* Instead of entertaining an Ohtani deal, he went all-in on a 2023 trade deadline acquisition haul, but then put five players including their two key deadline acquisition on the waiver wire when that illusory 11-3 July finish turned into an 8-19 August.

* He barely registered the Tyler Skaggs tragedy, the popular pitcher dying of a fetanyl overdose, an Angels employee providing the stuff to Skaggs (he may have become addicted after surgery before he became an Angel), and the team finally settling with the his widow and family.

* He scapegoated several managers after Mike Scioscia’s retirement, especially Joe Maddon, Scioscia’s longtime bench coach turned Cubs curse-busting World Series-winning manager, whose even hands couldn’t lift an Angels team riddled with pitching issues and injuries, none of which were Maddon’s fault.

There’s a reason I haven’t mentioned Hall of Famer-in-waiting Albert Pujols plus C.J. Wilson, Zack Cozart, and Anthony Rendon. Injuries aren’t Moreno’s doing. He didn’t ask for Pujols to incur numerous lower body issues before releasing him to finish his career a Dodger and then a prodigal Cardinal.

He didn’t ask for Wilson’s body to prompt his retirement after two Angel seasons, for Cozart’s labrum, shoulder, and neck to put paid to his career after he was dealt away, and for Rendon to have nothing but injuries to show for his big deal after a serviceable (abbreviated) 2020. For those, Moreno’s off the hook.

For everything else, Kroenke’s going to have his work cut out for him. He’s going to have to remake/remodel a team whose now-former owner’s biggest legacy is wasting the primes of Trout and Ohtani. No matter how much money he has, no matter how much winning his other sports franchises have delivered, when it comes to the Angels there’ve been oil spills that were easier to clean up.

The Gallows Poles

Carlos Mendoza

Carlos Mendoza—taking the fall for a deflation not of his making.

On opposite coasts, two baseball men met their unmakers toward the end of last week. One was a manager, the other was a general manager. Both weren’t exactly the prime issues with their bottom feeders.

Met and Angel fans had reason enough to feel a bit of relief after, respectively manager Carlos Mendoza and GM Perry Minasian. But they also had reason to feel frustrated. Mendoza wasn’t the problem with the Mess. Minasian wasn’t the entire problem with the Angels.

Not even bellying up to a bar and getting blinder-than-Ray-Charles drunk would compel anyone to call Mendoza and Minasian the second coming of Casey Stengel or Branch Rickey. But would the same drunk accuse either of being the second coming of Matt Williams or Frank Lane?

Strap someone into the witness chair under oath and neither he nor she will say Mendoza was mistake-free without facing perjury charges. He was executed two days after a comedy of errors against the Cubs while losing 10-5 prompted enough remaining Met fans in Citi Field and about a hundred thousand times that many out of the ballpark to clamour for Mendoza’s head at last.

But Mendoza wasn’t the man who assembled this menagerie of mismatched Mets. It wasn’t Mendoza who pinked half his coaches last winter. Including and especially pitching coach Jeremy Hefner, long since hired to that job by the National League East-leading Braves. It wasn’t Mendoza who let Pete Alonso walk into the free agency arms of the Orioles or Edwin Díaz walk into those of the Damned Dodgers. It wasn’t Mendoza who traded Jeff McNeil and Brandon Nimmo away.

And it wasn’t Mendoza who brought in successors who’d underperform and/or end up on the injured list along with one of the two best remaining Mets, Francisco Lindor. That’s on president of baseball operations David Stearns. The same David Stearns who turned a far lesser budget into consistent success in Milwaukee, once upon a time. But, now, the same David Stearns who’s proving only that if you give him a superbudget he has an apparent knack for shopping the wrong aisles for the wrong merchandise.

Too many new faces came to equal too many parts to build a car that couldn’t or wouldn’t run. This year’s Mets are baseball’s Yugo. All of a sudden, the sorry condition of the 162-224, 2023-2025 White Sox seem even more like ancient history. The White Sox today are at the top of the American League Central heap. The NL East, and everyone else in the Show, have heaped upon the Mess.

Under interim manager (and former Padres manager turned Mets farm director) Andy Green, the Mets finished play Sunday having lost two out of three, with Kyle Schwarber abusing them to become the fastest in Phillies history to hit his 30th home run of a season.

Don’t say things can only look up from here until or unless Stearns turns last week’s trade of once-successful, lately-struggling pitcher David Peterson to the Cubs into a respectable heap of on-the-fly rebuilding pieces by way of continued trade deadline-approach activity. The optimism isn’t exactly high.

Perry Minasian

Perry Minasian—how far behind his back did the Angels’s owner tie his arm?

On the same day the hapless Mendoza met the managerial gallows, Minasian met likewise on the opposite coast, right before the Angels met their longtime left coast rivals the Athletics and got slapped around, 9-3.

Minasian wasn’t exactly the willful demolition expert the likes of Lane, John Holland, M. Donald Grant, Woody Woodward, Dave Littlefield, Cam Bonifay, and Randy Smith proved to be. In all fairness, he operated under the ten-thumbed handicap of the Angels’s owner, Arte Moreno, whose pre-baseball marketing success compelled him to assemble baseball teams according to marketability first and baseball cohesion second through tenth.

It’s only fair to call Minasian out on such mistakes as almost constantly trading any Angels future for hurrying prospects to the parent club so fast it became debatable whether those who looked like real comers down on what remained of the farm would have better than replacement-level success in the Show.

But it probably wasn’t Minasian who insisted upon such blunderful moves as . . .

* Drafting all pitchers in 2021 and watching most of them become trade pieces, injury-addled, or out of affiliated baseball entirely.

* Firing manager Joe Maddon during a twelve-game losing streak to end a tenure in which Maddon (and perhaps anyone else) couldn’t overcome a lack of pitching depth and a crowd of injuries.

* Going all-in at the trade deadline during Shohei Ohtani’s final Angels season . . . but not dealing Ohtani for the badly-needed reinforcement of prime prospects and major league-ready top talent he could have drawn.

* Putting six players onto the waiver wire a month after that all-in deadline—including two of the deadline acquisitions.

* Continuing not to turn the healthy version of Mike Trout into a trade piece that, like Ohtani, would have brought badly needed youth back to commence or continue that badly-needed team and organisational overhaul.

As The Athletic‘s Sam Blum phrased it, “Minasian inherited a bad organisation and left it a disastrous one.” Really, though, Minasian probably spent his entire Angels tenure, loyal though he was to Moreno, with the proverbial arm tied behind his back.

Moreno still can’t decide whether to invest like the large market owner he is or the small market owner too many former Angel personnel have suggested he’s become. Meanwhile, the Angels spent the first weekend of the post-Minasian era taking two of three from the A’s, with Josh Lowe’s first career salami slice all the runs they needed to win, 4-1.

Will Green prove to be the manager the Mets need to stabilised while retooling? Or, will the Mets hunt other candidates, send Green back to running the farm, and put Stearns on a crazy short leash depending upon his trade deadline work? Will they hire Alex Cora as Green’s permanent successor? Carlos Beltran? Hall of Famer-in-waiting Albert Pujols? Rob Thomson?

Will John Mozeliak—who worked in the Cardinals front office for the entirety of Pujols’s original eleven seasons there, and built their 2011 World Series winner—use his interim GM time with the Angels for more than just to oversee the draft and the trade deadline? Will he leave his permanent successor, maybe, with Pujols in the manager’s chair after incumbent Kurt Suzuki’s single-year contract expires?

Forgive Mets and Angels fans if they’re putting their heads between their knees instead of answering.

Six to nine–what a way to make a living

Sebastian Rivero

Sebastian Rivero starting his Sunday mayhem against Dodgers starter Emmett Sheehan in the second inning . . .

Baseball’s first June weekend finished rather eventfully. Especially if you wore Dodger uniforms, in your own playpen, facing the patsies from down the freeway who came into Sunday’s game hoping to find some way to avoid being swept in your season series.

Who knew? All the Angels had to do was trust in the bottom of their batting order. Except for Zach Neto hitting a three-run homer late in the game, the top five in the lineup might as well have taken the day off, for all that they weren’t hitting.

Cue Dolly Parton: Working six to nine—what a way to make a living.

The box score for the Angels’s less-than-likely 13-5 demolition of the Big Bad Dodgers Sunday afternoon only hints at the bottom boys’s destruction: 13-for-15 with four walks, ten runs scored, and ten driven in. Shall we go into the details? Of course we shall. The stars of the show: Jo (Heads Up) Adell, Nick Madrigal, Jose Siri, and Sebastian Rivero.

Adell—4-for-5 including a second-inning single and run scored; a fourth-inning leadoff single and run scored; a base hit setting up first and third and another run scored in the fifth; and, a one-out yank into the left center field seats with one on in the seventh to start putting the game out of the Dodgers’s reach.

Madrigal—1-for-3 with three walks: a walk in the second after an overturned pitch call on the twelfth pitch of his plate appearance, and a run scored; a walk after Adell’s infield hit and a run scored; a walk in the fifth, though he was thrown out at the plate trying to score behind Adell and Wade Meckler; and, a base hit and run scored in the seventh.

Siri—a walk to load the pillows for Rivero’s two-run single in the second; a sacrifice bunt with nobody out to set second and third up for another Rivero two-run single; and, his own two-run single in the fifth, the one on which Madrigal got thrown out trying to make it a three-run job. Siri also singled in the seventh, setting Madrigal up to score from second on another Rivero single.

Are you getting the impression that that’s all just the prelude to the main event? Good. Because Rivero certainly was the main event at the bottom of the heap. You might have forgotten his .220/.264/.260 slash line watching him Sunday. He went from the Mendoza Line to the Carnival Cruise Line.

Second inning: Two-run single. Fourth inning: Two-run single. Sixth inning: Leadoff single. Seventh inning: One-run single. Ninth inning: RBI double. And, as the invaluable Sarah Langs unearthed, Rivero’s five hits and five steaks out of the number nine lineup slot is only the fifth since ancient Yankee pitcher Johnny Murphy did it in 1936.

The three in between, says she: Scott Fletcher, 1992 (on 28 August, same day as Murphy in ’36); Jackie Bradley, Jr. (seven ribs), 2015; and, Austin Wynns (six ribs), 2025. Wynns is the only one of the quintet to nail more than five hits (he had six) cooking his ribs.

The Angels needed something, anything, from somewhere to avoid the sweep, on a weekend when the once-redoubtable Mike Trout—still second on the team in WAR this season—had a weekend slump on his hands. (Hitless in thirteen tries including six strikeouts.)

They got to batter five of seven Dodger pitchers on a day their own starter Jose Soriano got spanked for five runs (four earned) in six innings before their bullpen worked three shutout innings of three-hit ball to finish off. Not even back-to-back Dodger bombs in the sixth (Dalton Rushing, a three-run job; Ryan Ward, a solo) could keep the Angels bottom in its seat.

Suddenly, nobody’s going to say backup catchers aren’t supposed to turn up looking like reincarnated Benches, Berras, or Fisks anymore. It was as if Rivero wanted to tell his fellow bottom-of-the-order boys, “You’re not blocking me at this party’s door.”

Batting six to nine—what a way to make a living. Makes you wonder why the Angels didn’t think of that cup of ambition sooner.

Garret Anderson, RIP: The quiet, infectious Angel

Garret Anderson

All business in the batter’s box or left field, Garret Anderson was liable to break into an infectious smile and good baseball and life talk with teammates otherwise.

“Maintaining an even strain” was a way of life for legendary military test pilots and often a way of anguish for their wives. It’s also a way of life for enough baseball players, and often a source of anguish for enough of their fans. Show me the player who maintains an even strain, and I’ll show you the fans who mistake it for indifference.

Garret Anderson, whose death of a heart attack at 53 Thursday shocked his sport, was such a player. At least, until his Angels shocked his and their sport and won the 2002 World Series in seven rather thrilling games.

“I used to be called lazy,” he told one reporter, after his three-run double in the fifth inning of Game Seven put the Angels ahead to stay. “Now that we win a World Series, I’m called graceful.”

Anderson at the plate was a sight more likely to inspire engineers than artists. He didn’t look at pitchers as though he wanted to carve his initials into their foreheads. He didn’t look or act like an ogre measuring up his next meal or a junkyard dog finding intruders under every wreck. He swung methodically but attentively, line drives a specialty, even if he did win the 2003 Home Run Derby.

“So stoic was Anderson in the box,” wrote Sports Illustrated‘s Tom Verducci in tribute, “that he came to the plate 9,177 times and saw 30,503 pitches and was hit by only eight of those pitches, the fewest ever by anyone who came to the plate 9,000 times. There was no filigree to Anderson. No self-promotion. Nothing extraneous. How he played happened to be exactly how he lived his life.”

“That swing that I was using tonight is not a swing that I try to use during the season,” he said after he won that Derby. “It was just strictly for trying to hit balls over the fence. During the season, mentally and physically, I don’t do that. I look for mistakes and try to hit them hard.”

Pitchers, other opponents, and even teammates understimated or dismissed Anderson at their own peril. In a seventeen-year career, all but two seasons of which were with the Angels, Anderson was as reliable as the day or night was long. He led the American League back-to-back in doubles; he averaged 21 home runs per 162 games; he didn’t walk much but only ever struck out 100 times once; he finished with his play in left field worth 95 total zone runs above his league average, fourth on the all-time list.

Still, there were those who assumed Anderson too benign to make the Big Plays. They assumed incorrectly.  “He doesn’t dive for balls because he gets there quicker than most guys,” said Darin Erstad, Anderson’s longtime Angels outfield partner, and a classic junkyard dog type of player. If that type holds Anderson in high esteem, best listen.

Not that Anderson was allergic to diving or lunging. He simply thought it meant he’d been caught unawares for a very rare moment. “I never should have had to dive for that ball,” Anderson once said after making a diving catch against the Twins. “I got a bad jump. I study hitters. I have an idea of where the ball is going. I don’t dive because I don’t have to.”

Somewhere in the Elysian Fields, Joe DiMaggio must be grinning, if not ready to mix Anderson a tall, cold one.

So the 2003 All-Star Game MVP didn’t resemble the offspring of a secret in vitro union between Rickey Henderson and Robin Williams. The laugh tillers still need the straight men.

“His passion to play this game was very real, and although maybe it didn’t manifest itself the way it did with some other players, Garret played hard, he wanted to win,” said his longtime Angels manager Mike Scioscia, when Anderson was inducted into the team’s Hall of Fame. “He’s got that internal competitive nature that every great player has to have, and he was really the foundation of our championship run back in 2002 and for many other years. He just was a terrific talent and a terrific person.”

Teammates were also among the first to get tastes of Anderson’s dry, disarming wit. Midwest-born former first baseman Scott Spiezio learned the hard way when his fashion sense, or lack thereoff, came into Anderson’s sights. “I’d get on the [team] plane, he’d be like, ‘Spiez, you got on a horse blanket? You’re giving me allergies’,” Spiezio said. “Before you know it, I’m buying Canali, Hugo Boss and Armani.”

Like George Harrison’s reputation as the “Quiet Beatle,” Anderson’s reputation as the Quiet Angel was often deceptive. And, like Harrison, in a good way.

Win or lose, by blowout or by single run, Anderson prided himself and his best teammates on consistency, whether fellow stoics or class clowns alike. “You can’t get wrapped up in one game,” he said in April 2002, after the Angels blew Cleveland out 21-2 one fine day.

Guys’ personalities on this team are the same day-to-day. Guys are walking around the clubhouse the same way they were last week when we were getting our butts kicked. That’s good to see. We have a lot of games to play.

“Yes, he was quiet, but let me tell you that if you entered his inner circle, he was deeply, deeply engaging, even loquacious,” said Joe Maddon, eventually a World Series-winning manager himself but then the Angels’s bench coach. “I so enjoyed our conversations. He was just a sweetheart of a guy. All of us who knew him are just broken up about [his death]. We all loved him. This is really, really hard.”

Maybe the hardest hit might have been Tim Salmon, drafted by the Angels a year before Anderson. A pair of southern California guys, one from Los Angeles (Anderson) and one from Long Beach (Salmon), who forged a deep brotherhood out of opposites, but also out of a few common threads (each married their high school sweethearts, for one), Anderson’s even strain somehow finding its neatest complement in the far more outgoing Kingfish.

“I mean, it’s devastating. As devastating as anything can be in your life,” Salmon began when reached by a reporter.

We’ve pretty much been in this game together at the same time the whole time. I just remember seeing this kid driving this really nice Mustang [in their instructional league days]. He must’ve spent his entire signing bonus on it. Here comes this tall, lanky kid. I was like, ‘Oh, what kind of attitude we’re gonna have here?’ And it was the complete opposite. He was just so mild-mannered and quiet, and you had to draw it out. But he was infectious. He became a favorite of his teammates from the beginning.

“When I first got drafted,” said Angels outfielder/DH Mike Trout, long enough The Man in Anaheim before the injury bug rudely interrupted him, and the only Angel to score more runs lifetime than Anderson, “[Anderson] was the guy. He meant a lot to this organization . . . I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything bad said about him. It’s just a tough, tough loss.”

Anderson’s impact wasn’t just on his own team. He made a big impression on another southern California kid who grew up making Anderson—who was also respected for signing autographs for kids for long periods daily while he played—his baseball hero.

“You always hear, ‘Don’t meet your heroes’,” said Freddie Freeman, the Dodgers’s Hall of Fame-bound first baseman. “But then I got to meet him, and I was like, ‘I’m glad I did.’ Because he was a beautiful man. And I wish he was still here. He meant a lot to so many people … I’m at a loss for words really.”

The only people to whom he could mean more were his wife, Teresa; their daughters, Brianne and Bailey; and, their son, Garret (Trey) Anderson III. As great as baseball’s grief is, theirs is greater. Lord watch over them as You welcomed him home, a little bit early, but no less safe and sound.

Three swipes, you’re out

Jo Adell

Jo Adell (7) holds the ball in his glove aloft after his third Saturday night home run theft proved the most spectaculer of the three.

Let’s assume there were cynics in Angel Stadium Saturday. Let’s assume at least a few of them said, “I’d like to see him do that again,” when Jo Adell took a flying leap and robbed Mariners star catcher Cal Raleigh of a home run. Those cynics and Raleigh hadn’t seen anything yet.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a guy rob two homers in one game, much less three,” said Raleigh after the game. “Baseball can amaze you night in and night out. You can see something you’ve never seen before. I’ve never seen anything like that.”

Did the Big Dumper say three?

He did.

And he wasn’t just whistling tea kettle, either.

Raleigh was only the second batter of the game. It took until the eighth inning for Adell to get another crack at grand theft homer, when Josh Naylor lofted a long fly to just about the same right center field real estate over which Raleigh tried to fly. Once again, Adell took a flying leap. Once again, he snatched the fly before it could hit the high wall above the yellow line that determines whether a drive might be a homer or not when hitting the wall.

Adell had one more piece of business to tend an inning later. This time, J.P. Crawford thought for dead last certain that his long fly toward the seats behind the lower right field corner wall would make it into those seats for the run that eluded the Mariners all game long to that point.

Not quite.

Adell ran toward that wall, leaped with his back to the fans in that section, extended his glove hand, and speared the ball, snapping his glove around a split half-second before he fell all the way behind the wall . . . before springing up none the worse for wear and with the ball still secured.

Only two players stole four home runs at all all last season, Jacob Young of the Nationals and Fernando Tatis, Jr. of the Padres. Adell stole three of them in one night’s work.

For an outfielder who’d always had the tools but not always the results, you could only imagine what was or wasn’t shooting into and back out of his head after the Angels banked the 1-0 win. (The lone run? Zach Neto taking Emerson Hancock’s fourth service of the game over the left center field fence in the first.)

“Defense was something that I struggled with,” Adell told reporters postgame. “Just finding ways to improve and get better and find a way to learn. At the end of the day, defense is one of those things where it’s just about trying to get the job done.”

Sounds very much like a man who took some wise counsel on more than one occasion from former Angel and longtime former Twins center field star Torii Hunter. But what did Hunter think? “It’s amazing, man,” said the man who’s mentored Adell during spring trainings. “That’s probably the greatest defensive game I’ve ever seen.”

“Front row seat to the Jo Show,” Xtweeted Mike Trout, whose healthy resurgent season took a rude but hopefully very short disruption Sunday afternoon, incurring a contusion when hit by a pitch late in the Angels’s 8-7 win.

“You just get there, and it’s just decision-making,” said Adell of his backward leap and fall while robbing Crawford. “Just got there, and was able to fall over and end up in somebody’s lap. I don’t know who, but it was a softer landing than I thought it would be. It’s kind of crazy.”

“Kind of crazy” might be a kind way to phrase it. He may have been lucky the landing was far more shallow than the one Tampa Bay’s Manuel Margot had catching one in a flying leap over a right-side wall with a deeper landing in Game Two of the 2020 American League Championship Series. But then Margot was lucky to come up with his skeleton intact.

The Mariners proved to be good sports about it all. On their clubhouse bulletin board, someone inscribed the Sunday game plan: “Don’t hit the ball to Joseph Adell.” They only hit three in Adell’s direction Sunday—once for a double, once a home run, and once an RBI single.

The home run, from second baseman Cole Young in the top of the fifth, flew high enough over the right field fence in front of a ballpark maintenance alley that Adell couldn’t have even thought of stealing it, even by catapult. Even the best of thieves need time off for good behaviour.