A tale of two literary baseball seasons

2019-02-15 BrosnanBouton

The books they said would subvert baseball. The game goes ever onward and the books never remain out of print. (So far.) Fifty years ago, Jim Bouton pitched his Ball Four season; ten years before that, Jim Brosnan pitched The Long Season.

The New York Public Library’s list of 20th century Books of the Century includes only one book pertaining to sports, Jim Bouton’s Ball Four. Yes, I was surprised, too, considering such volumes as Jim Brosnan’s The Long Season, anything by Roger Angell (one more time: he isn’t baseball’s Homer, Homer was ancient Greece’s Roger Angell), Roger Kahn’s The Boys of Summer, Bernard Malamud’s The Natural, Mark Harris’s Bang the Drum Slowly, and Arnold Hano’s A Day in the Bleachers, among others.

But there Bouton’s volume reposes, in a club to which also belong T.S. Eliot, James Joyce, William Faulkner, Virginia Woolf, Edith Wharton, Ralph Ellison, Jack Kerouac, John Dos Passos, Albert Camus, Agatha Christie, Grace Metalious, and Tom Wolfe. Before you retort that Bouton didn’t exactly write The Waste Land, Light in August, Invisible Man, On the Road, or The Bonfire of the Vanities, it’s only fair to say that Eliot, Faulkner, Ellison, Kerouac, and Wolfe never had to try sneaking a pitch past Carl Yastrzemski, Lou Brock, Harmon Killebrew, or Willie Mays, either.

Bouton was with the Astros when Ball Four was published in April 1970, after excerpts appeared in Look. To say it was received less than approvingly around baseball is to say Baltimore needed breathing treatments after the Mets flattened the Orioles four straight following a Game One loss in the 1969 World Series. “F@ck you, Shakespeare!” was Pete Rose’s review, hollered while Bouton had a rough relief outing against the Reds. All things to come considered, it was a wonder Rose knew Shakespeare wasn’t a brew served on tap at the ballpark.

This year is the fiftieth anniversary season of the one Bouton recorded for Ball Four and the sixtieth anniversary of the one animating Brosnan’s The Long Season. The books have their common ground and their distinctions, chief among the latter being that Bouton didn’t shy from detailing things even Brosnan, whose candor was considered jolting enough in its own time and place, didn’t dare to tread. If Brosnan even hinted at them, it was euphemistically. Bouton didn’t bother with euphemisms.

The two pitchers have something sadder in common, too. Brosnan suffered a stroke from which he was recovering when sepsis came manifest and caused his death in 2014 at 82, a year after his wife of 62 years died. Bouton, on the threshold of 80, suffered a stroke in 2012 that left him with cerebral amyloid angiopathy, a brain disease linked to dementia and compromised his ability to speak and write. Making it worse: the stroke occurred on the fifteenth anniversary of his daughter Laurie’s death in a New Jersey automobile accident.

Bouton’s wife, Paula Kurman, a speech therapist among other things (she has a Columbia University doctorate in interpersonal communications) who has worked with brain damaged children during her career, has worked with him carefully (“Together we make a whole person,” she once told a Society for American Baseball Research panel, to laughter that was sad as much as approving) and he has regained much of his speaking ability.

But he continues to struggle with what Kurman told Tyler Kepner of the New York Times was “a pothole syndrome: Things will seem smooth, his wit and vocabulary intact, and then there will be a sudden, unforeseen gap in his reasoning, or a concept he cannot quite grasp.”

Brosnan’s book was seeded two years before The Long Season‘s focus when he bumped into Sports Illustrated editor Bob Boyle. Having heard the bespectacled reliever had ideas about writing a book about major league baseball, Boyle suggested an article first “if something significant happens.” Brosnan turned in an essay about his trade from the Cubs to the Cardinals for veteran shortstop Alvin Dark, a trade one reporter described as the Cubs committing theft by trading “a mutt for a pedigreed pooch.”

“Loved it,” Boyle told Brosnan. “Why don’t you write a book about a whole season?” Two years later, that’s exactly what Brosnan did. He praised and needled in the same arch but honest tone, even if he did sanitize much of the vocabulary of the locker room or the dugout, as Bouton wouldn’t need to do a decade later. He showed the better and lesser sides of several players, but even his needles seemed not to come from malice aforethought.

Bouton was approached to do what became Ball Four by iconoclastic sports writer/editor Leonard Shecter, who’d previously written an in-depth profile of Bouton for Sport. Shecter proposed an in-season diary somewhat along Brosnan’s lines. “Funny you should mention that,” Bouton replied. “I’ve been taking notes.” During the 1969 season, Bouton would observe of his teammates, “My note-taking is beginning to make the natives restless.”

Brosnan offered no sense of wanting any kind of revenge for any kind of slight, in an era when players were too often slighted under a system that kept them, in essence, indentured servants. (One reviewer for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch wrote that Brosnan’s “pot shots,” such as they were, didn’t enrage fellow players “because ballplayers didn’t read; it was so out of character, or so he said.”) Bouton was often accused of trying to settle scores, particularly about the Yankees, his former team about whom he wrote and spoke extensively enough when the occasion suggested it. All Brosnan and Bouton did was try to show baseball and its players, coaches, managers, and administrators, as a too-human game played and run with too-human foibles, follies, and fantasias alike.

The devil was really in the details and even the language in Ball Four, from neither of which Bouton shied a single step. But both pitchers were accused of a kind of insider trading for fun and profit. “Brosnan has his say about many who may have, in times past, had their say about him,” wrote Bill Veeck of The Long Season, at a time Veeck still owned the White Sox. “This just doesn’t seem to come off so well, and tends to lessen the impact and enjoyment of his undeniably colorful material.” Presumably, Veeck took his own critique to heart when writing his own Veeck—as in Wreck, which did for baseball executives’ memoiring what Brosnan and later Bouton did for players’, and what Veeck did even further with his subsequent The Hustler’s Handbook.

“As an active player on a big-league team I had seemingly taken undue advantage by recording an insider’s viewpoint on what some professional baseball players were really like,” Brosnan wrote, after The Long Season and Pennant Race (his followup, about the 1961 Reds’ unexpected National League pennant winner) were republished on the latter’s season’s fortieth anniversary. “I had, moreover, violated the idolatrous image of big leaguers who had been previously portrayed as models of modesty, loyalty and sobriety — i.e., what they were really not like. Finally, I had actually written the book by myself, thus trampling upon the tradition that a player should hire a sportswriter to do the work. I was, on these accounts, a sneak and a snob and a scab.”

Bouton got the chance to address the hoopla around Ball Four in a followup book, I’m Glad You Didn’t Take it Personally (its jacket featured a baseball with a blackened eye drawn onto the hide) which was just as funny as Ball Four and sometimes a lot more poignant.  “I think it’s possible,” he wrote, “that you can view people as heroes and at the same time understand that they are people, too, imperfect, narrow sometimes, even not very good at what they do. I didn’t smash any heroes or ruin the game for anybody. You want heroes, you can have them. Heroes exist in the mind, anyway.”

Or, out of their minds, if you ponder one reaction to Ball Four. Before the Astros farmed Bouton out in 1970, Bouton discovered a burned copy of the book on the steps of the dugout, courtesy of the Padres. Even Brosnan’s and Veeck’s books avoided that kind of grotesquery.

The worst to happen to Brosnan after The Long Season and Pennant Race, not to mention other essays published in several other magazines, was the White Sox (to whom Brosnan was traded early in the 1963 season, long after Veeck sold the team) inserting a clause in his proposed 1964 contract barring him from writing for publication without prior team approval. Refusing to sign a contract with a clause like that in it, Brosnan retired after no other team took even a flyer on him, despite both Sports Illustrated and The Sporting News taking his side.

Bouton was either reviled as “a social leper” or a cancer on the game for having written and published Ball Four. Commissioner Bowie Kuhn actually tried to suppress the book, hauling Bouton into his office, demanding Bouton sign a statement saying it was all the pernicious work of his editor Shecter. Bouton probably had to restrain himself from telling Kuhn where to shove the statement when he wasn’t trying to restrain himself from laughing.

It was Dick Young of the New York Daily News who described Bouton as a social leper for writing Ball Four. When he ran into Bouton on an Astros visit to Shea Stadium, he said hello and, when Bouton needled him for talking to social lepers, Young replied, “Well, I’m glad you didn’t take it personally.” That reply gave Bouton the title of his followup book, in which he credited such overreactions in the sports press for doing almost the most to ensure Ball Four a best seller.

Both pitchers were witty, literate, and not even close to being thoroughgoing jocks. Brosnan made his way as a competent if mostly unspectacular relief pitcher and spot starter with a strong slider who had his moments. Bouton was a promising, hard throwing Yankee starting star, with a live fastball and a hard curve ball, until two seasons of overwork (1963 and 1964, and a whopping 520.2 innings over the two) left him with arm and shoulder trouble (it began a third of the way through 1964) that reduced him to marginal relief work and prompted him to make the knuckleball, which he’d thrown only as a change of pace previously, his bread and butter pitch.

Brosnan kept so many books in his locker that his 1961 Reds teammate, Hall of Famer Frank Robinson, nicknamed him the Professor. Bouton was no less literate or cerebral, though he may not have had a locker library equal to Brosnan’s, but his early ferocity as a competitor (he was once famous for his cap falling off his head as he delivered) inspired New York Post writer Maury Allen to nickname him Bulldog.

But Bouton may have put baseball into perspective even more than Brosnan did. Both pitchers were very aware of the worlds around them, and both wrote about the periodic spells of boredom, racial tensions, off-field skirt chasings, and self-doubts endemic in their professional baseball lives. Brosnan saved them for his books and articles; Bouton was less reluctant to speak his mind about things like politics, Vietnam, and civil rights when asked or when a conversation left him the opening.

Bouton bought even less into the still-lingering press representations of athletes as heroes. Teammates didn’t always hold with that or other things, like calling them out on it when they made mistakes that cost the Yankees games he pitched.

“After two or three years of playing with guys like [Mickey] Mantle and [Roger] Maris,” he wrote in I’m Glad You Didn’t Take It Personally, “I was no longer awed. I started to look at those guys as people and I didn’t like what I saw. They were fine as baseball heroes. As men they were not quite so successful. At the same time I guess I started to rub a lot of people the wrong way. Instead of being a funny rookie, I was a veteran wise guy. I reached the point where I would argue to support my opinion and that didn’t go down too well either.”

“He stands out,” Shecter wrote of Bouton in Sport, “because he is a decent young man in a game which does not recognize decency as valuable.” Much the same thing was said of Brosnan no matter what particular writers did or didn’t think of his two books.

Brosnan’s post baseball life including writing, advertising work (he’d done it in the offseasons of his pitching career), occasional sportscasting, and raising his family in the same Illinois home he bought with his wife, Anne, in 1956. (When they married, one local story’s headline, referencing his wife’s maiden name, said, “Pitcher Marries Pitcher.”)

Bouton became a sports anchor for New York ABC and then CBS before trying a baseball comeback in the White Sox system and then with the independent (some say notorious) Portland Mavericks, a comeback that ended with getting five starts for the Braves in late 1978. In one of those starts, Bouton squared off against Astros legend J.R. Richard, on the same night Richard broke the National League single-season strikeout record for righthanders, and pitched Richard to a draw. “The young flamethrower against the old junkballer,” Bouton wrote of the game.

A concoction Bouton and Mavericks teammate Rob Nelson invented in the bullpen, shredding gum into strands similar to chewing tobacco, became a hit as Big League Chew when they sold the idea to Wrigley. Bouton also continued writing, became a motivational speaker, and survived the collapse of his first marriage to meet and marry Kurman, blending two families, becoming founders and leaders of a recreational baseball league playing by 19th century rules, and becoming competition ballroom dancers. The Renaissance Bulldog.

The Washington Post‘s distinguished literary critic Jonathan Yardley wrote of The Long Season that it was literature about “[a]n ordinary season — life as it’s really lived — rather than an extraordinary one.” You could say, then, that Pennant Race was literature about an extraordinary season lived and played by ordinary men, if you don’t count Frank Robinson. Ball Four, which ran more temperatures higher up scales than Brosnan could claim, could be called an ordinary season lived and played by ordinary men. Recorded by a man whose extraordinary side was eroded by injuries.

Bouton may have hit the true key as to why all three books also unnerved baseball and its assorted establishments. “If Mickey Mantle had written Ball Four,” he later remembered, “it wouldn’t have been a big deal. A marginal relief pitcher on the Seattle Pilots had no business writing a book.” Likewise, if Robinson or Stan Musial had written The Long Season (Brosnan began 1959 with the Cardinals but was traded to the Reds midway) instead of a middle relief pitcher, it might not have proven a big deal.

Brosnan’s and Bouton’s books became baseball classics (as did Veeck—as in Wreck), and Ball Four also helped further expose the abuses heaped on players by front offices before the end of the reserve clause but probably caused no few of its younger readers to become sports journalists themselves. One suspects even now that Bouton’s revelations about the one-sided contract negotiations to which reserve era players were subject might have infuriated the purists more than his revelations about players’ sex drives, amphetamine indulgences, pranks, and feuds did.

Whenever one of Bouton’s former Ball Four-season teammates goes to his reward, Bouton is genuinely saddened. “I think he came, over the years, to love them,” Kurman told Kepner. “As each one died, he got really teary about it. He realized how deeply they were part of him.” (The Pilots, of course, were sold and moved to Milwaukee for the 1970 season, becoming the Brewers. Writing in Ball Four Plus Ball Five, a tenth-anniversary update, Bouton said, “The old Pilots are a ghost team, doomed forever to circumnavigate the globe in the pages of a book.”)

The Long Season remains “a cocky book, caustic and candid and, in a way, courageous, for Brosnan calls him like he sees them, doesn’t hesitate to name names, and employs ridicule like a stiletto,” as wrote Red Smith, arguably the best baseball writer in New York (then with the Herald-Tribune).

Ball Four‘s true success, wrote Roger Angell himself, “is Mr. Bouton himself, as a day-to-day observer, hard thinker, marvellous listener, comical critic, angry victim, and unabashed lover of a sport. What he has given us is a rare view of a highly complex public profession seen from the innermost side, along with an ironic and courageous mind. And, very likely, the funniest book of the year.”

And in the long, long, long wake of Brosnan’s and Bouton’s books, baseball hasn’t collapsed, the world hasn’t imploded, that Star Spangled Banner yet waves, and men and women of note or fame can be considered in all their human flaws, foibles, and fantasias, without being seen where appropriate as any less than heroes.

For openers, MadBum may be lucky

2019-02-10 MadisonBumgarner

The idea of an opener makes him a very MadBum . . .

Of everything you can say about Madison Bumgarner, dumb isn’t one of them. (Even accounting for the dirt bike accident that took him out for long enough in 2017.) He’s not dumb on the mound, he’s not dumb otherwise.

But then, after new Giants general manager Farhan Zaidi pondered the possibility of some pitchers as openers, at the Giants’ FanFest Saturday, Bumgarner texted manager Bruce Bochy to say, “If you use an opener in my game I’m walking right out of the ballpark,” a text Bochy disclosed to NBC Sports’s Alex Pavlvic.

Time was when a show of defiance such as Bumgarner’s would have gotten him dispatched post haste, on the first rail the Giants could find for him, and never mind that Bochy would probably sooner be tempted to insert himself into the game as a pinch hitter than even think about either using Bumgarner as an opener or bringing him in after an opener’s first and only inning. And if you think I’m writing through my chapeau, you don’t remember Ted Simmons.

Simmons was the Cardinals’ number one catcher in the 1970s and early 1980s, before the Cardinals became winners again and during a long strange drought of their own, a drought Simmons had little enough to do with when it came to the front office’s doings or undoings but enough to do with on the field.

He was a terrific hitter in St. Louis and went to six All-Star teams as a Cardinal. He also came close to being what Dodgers pitcher Andy Messersmith did become, the man who might have forced the end of the reserve era. Simmons refused to sign for 1972 unless he got $30,000 for the season, slightly over twice his 1971 salary. Then-Cardinals GM Bing Devine refused to go past $20,000, thinking Simmons was asking too much, too soon. And he started playing the season without signing, the first time that had ever happened in the majors.

He went on a tear, too; by mid-season, his batting average was .340. And it had the unlikely effect of shifting sympathy away from the Cardinals, especially when Simmons was named to his first All-Star team. The morning of the All-Star Game, Devine called him at his hotel inviting him to the GM’s room to talk. This time, Devine offered him the $30,000 he sought for that season and $75,000 for 1973.

Simmons’s jaw dropped. He called his wife and told her about the two-year deal, with more money than even he imagined coming so swiftly, and elected to sign. And he’d inadvertently showed a rupture in the armour of the Lords of Baseball; they’d rather give a second-year catcher $105,000 over two years than risk any reserve clause test, which they feared Simmons might think about, kid though he was, the longer he played unsigned.

So Simmons wouldn’t be the man to break the reserve clause. But as the seasons went on, his hitting kept him in the number one Cardinals catching job and his personal popularity in St. Louis became such that nobody except opposing teams saw his wounding flaw as a catcher: he had one of the weaker throwing arms in the game. The 3.65 ERA for the pitchers who threw to him speaks well enough of Simmons handling a pitching staff, but Simmons finished his career with enemy baserunners averaging thirty stolen bases a season against him; he had 130 lifetime errors and 62 percent of them were throwing errors.

Hall of Fame manager Whitey Herzog, unfortunately for Simmons, saw the whole picture when he took over as the Cardinals’ manager in 1980. In You’re Missin’ a Great Game, the White Rat wrote:

Ted hit the ball like a sonofagun but when I watched him play, I didn’t see a motor that drove the Cardinals’ boat. He was more like a leak in their hull. Ted Simmons, God bless him, was a fine person who played hard and cared about winning . . . Unfortunately for the Cardinals organisation, that [poor arm strength] was a bigger disaster than anybody around me seemed to realise . . . [I]t’s just as important to stop the other guy from scoring a run as it is to get one home yourself. And your catcher is your most important guy in shutting chances down . . .

Because Ted threw so poorly to second, every team in the world knew they could swipe that base in the late innings. They knew that if they were behind they’d eventually get their . . . shots to score . . . I doubt five fans could have told you about this factor. Announcers never brought it up. It wouldn’t even show up in the [newspaper] box scores. But every manager worth his spikes was clued in. You’d be amazed—amazed—how many games that cost the Cardinals . . . By the standards everybody still uses today, [Simmons] was a star. But again: Everybody doesn’t know baseball. Too many fans, media, and even baseball people get sidetracked by factors that just don’t bear on the big picture. In the Simmons era, the Cards had never finished first.

Herzog first thought about moving Simmons to a position where his weak throwing arm wouldn’t hurt the Cardinals, and Simmons had actually been a better defensive fielder/thrower whenever he played first base, which was often enough to that point. (He’d played 195 games at first as a Cardinal.) The problem was when Herzog or someone made the suggestion. First, Simmons liked the idea—until he didn’t, thinking that first base incumbent Keith Hernandez might be hurt if converted to a left fielder, and asked for a trade.

Wearing both the manager’s and the general manager’s hats, and having also signed free agent catcher Darrell Porter to a five year deal, Herzog had to lose one or the other. Simmons’s arm issues and change in attitude, measured against Porter’s defensive superiority (Darrell’s strong throwing arm, good positioning, and quickness behind the plate shut down the leakage overnight, Herzog would write in due course), made the decision simple.

Herzog was at the beginning of a remake/remodel that would ultimately send 31 Cardinals out and bring in enough to make them World Series winners in 1982 and National League pennant winners in 1985 and 1987. Dealing Simmons, Pete Vukovich, and future Hall of Fame reliever Rollie Fingers (Herzog had just bagged the reliever he really wanted, future Hall of Famer Bruce Sutter) to the Brewers, and the deal helped set the Cardinals and the Brewers up as 1982 World Series opponents.

But he was roasted over trading the still-popular Simmons. “I didn’t want to make it,” the White Rat told The Sporting News. “I was forced to trade him . . . I couldn’t have both him and Porter as catchers. I didn’t have to trade him, but it would have led to a bad situation if he wasn’t happy . . . We’ve improved our defense. We’ve improved our team speed.”  And, in due course, also in You’re Missin’ a Great Game, he’d write of Simmons, “If the National League had had the designated hitter, the man would have gone to his coffin as a Cardinal.”

Herzog might well have kept Simmons if Simmons had accepted the idea of moving to first base, perhaps knowing Hernandez would have found adjusting to an outfield position simple enough. (Hernandez’s feud with Herzog wouldn’t happen until 1983, when Herzog shipped him to the Mets—jump starting their remodeling into a mid-1980s powerhouse.) But when Simmons took a stance that indicated himself instead of team first, Herzog didn’t flinch.

And the Giants shouldn’t.

I get Bumgarner’s alarm over the opener concept. My own take on it is that the opener concept can work—if you need a stopgap when a member of your starting rotation is down with an injury (as Bumgarner has been for parts of the past two seasons) and you don’t have another option to bring you through six or seven innings without throwing your rotation more than slightly out of whack. In that situation why not try a bullpen game?*

At best you win a game, depending on whether your hitters are better than the other guys’ pitchers on the day. At worst, you may lose a game but you don’t have to reshuffle your rotation just yet. And while I certainly get that any manager wants nothing more than to get the best of his pitchers without exhausting them into uselessness when you really need them the most (like down the stretch, or in the postseason), I don’t know that I want the opener to become more than the periodic stopgap I enunciated above.

Bumgarner could and should have found a better or at least less defiant way to express his distaste for the opener concept. He might have said, simply, that it isn’t as healthy for the game, not to mention such established or future starting pitchers as himself, as its supporters think, and those who think he’s too alarmist might have said so and initiated a vigorous but healthy debate. And since when is baseball allergic to vigorous and healthy debate?

But if the Giants decide not to find the nearest available rail on which to run Bumgarner out of town for the text he did send his manager, MadBum should thank God in whichever form the lefthander prays to Him that he’s built enough good will to get away with it.

And, for the fact that this isn’t 1980, and . . . well, try to imagine how Whitey Herzog—who’d have run through a hailstorm of artillery for his players otherwise**—would have answered a text like that.  “Bumgarner to the Mets for three live bodies and a box of balls . . . ” would not have been an unrealistic if slightly surprising headline.


* The bullpenning concept isn’t as recent or radical as you think. The St. Louis Browns actually tried it, first and at its possible greatest extreme, for the final game of a dismal 1949 season. (And weren’t most Browns seasons dismal, anyway?)

For the final game, against the White Sox in St. Louis, Browns starting pitcher Ned Garver pitched the first. Then a different Browns pitcher—including their entire starting rotation otherwise—pitched an inning each: following Garver, it was Joe Ostrowski, Cliff Fannin, Tom Ferrick, Karl Drews, Bill Kennedy, Al Papai, Red Embree, and Dick Starr. The Browns’ pitching that day surrendered four runs only one of which was earned. Kennedy was tagged with the loss after surrendering three in the sixth. The White Sox won, 4-3.

And Garver eventually revealed it was the brainchild of the Browns’ players; considering they’d already lost 100 games, they probably felt they had nothing to lose by trying something out of the left field bullpen.

Not to worry, Garver didn’t have to wait long before making his own kind of baseball history: after the 1951 season, during which he was a 20-game winner for the last-place Browns, Garver would be part of the most unheard-of Most Valuable Player Award vote in the game’s history to that point: he, Hall of Fame Yankee catcher Yogi Berra, and Yankee pitcher Allie Reynolds tied three ways for first-place MVP votes. (Berra won the award by way of earning more votes down the ballot than Garver and Reynolds, the first of Yogi’s three MVPs.)

** Anyone who says a team just can’t remake/remodel itself without downright tanking ought to take a very close look at how Whitey Herzog remade/remodeled the Cardinals into a World Series champion in just one sixteen-month period between 1980 and 1982.

Only one way the DH is un-American

Game action batting of Cincinnati Reds Dan Driessen, 1978

Dan Driessen—the National League’s first designated hitter, when the DH rule was used for both combatants in the World Series for the first time, in 1976.

Amidst the hoopla over the Major League Baseball Players’ Association seeming to support bringing the designated hitter to the National League as soon as this season, there’s been what you could call the expected contingency of purists denouncing the DH as, yes, un-American. Well, they can relax for the time being. Commissioner Rob Manfred says it would be economically unfeasible to bring the DH to the National League so soon.

When you hear that you should probably take it with two grains of salt and a beer chaser. Because when a commissioner says something’s “economically unfeasible,” it usually means the owners wanting to let the players have something less than what they want for themselves, namely making more money.

The good of the game isn’t always the same thing as making money for either the owners or the players, and bringing the DH to the National League would be good for the game when all is said and done. So would penalising tanking teams by costing them choice draft pick positions, another proposal the players’ association has but Manfred thinks is economically unfeasible for now.

Manfred would rather talk about those things when it really is time to negotiate the next collective bargaining agreement after the current one expires after the 2021 season. The players’ association is in a marvelous position from which they can force the issue on such things as Manfred’s itch for a pitch clock (he wants it as soon as possible for the Show) and a three-batter minimum for pitchers. They could tell him that if he wants those, he needs to give these, never mind that Manfred can by baseball’s rules impose the pitch clock when he damn well pleases.

But back to the “un-American DH” for now. Which isn’t as un-American as you think it is. Actually, in one sense it is: it’s an un-American League creation. The historically minded would like to remind you one and all that it wasn’t something the American League dreamed up after a man on a flaming pie descended upon an owners’ meeting proclaiming, “From now on, you are the DH league with a D.” The original idea was first the brainchild of an owner in the National League.

That would be William Chase Temple, who owned the Pirates in the late 19th Century and also provided the Temple Cup awarded to the National League’s postseason champion. You can look it up, and I did. Baseball historian John Thorn delivered it in 2016, when rumours wafted up that the National League was actually going to consider adding the DH. Thorn unearthed the story on the suggestion of a reader who felt there was a good story behind the idea even though said reader opposed its arrival.

Temple came up with a designated hitter concept identical to the one the American League brought to the Show in 1973. “There had been a widespread concern among baseball men with the game’s declining offense,” Thorn wrote. (Sound familiar?) Returning from a pre-season meeting of National League owners in 1892, after the league expanded to twelve teams by way of admitting four from the fallen old American Association, Temple told the Pittsburgh press that the DH got only a 7-5 vote, not enough to implement it.

The first time the DH crept into the mind of anyone in the American League was 1906, when Philadelphia Athletics owner/manager Connie Mack proposed it after he tired, apparently, of watching his pitchers such as Hall of Famers Eddie Plank and Chief Bender swinging as though they had cardboard tubes instead of bats. The idea went nowhere, but the National League flirted with it again in 1928, when its president John Heydler advocated for it . . . but the American League turned it down. The National League gave it a try in a few spring exhibitions that year but ultimately rejected it.

And there the matter stayed until the 1960s, when several minor leagues including the AAA-level International League adopted it. That may have prompted both the National and American Leagues to give it a try during select spring exhibition games in 1969, but they chose not to stay with it. Not for long, anyway. Because the staying power of the DH in the minors caught the attention of Charlie Finley, the twice-removed successor owner of the A’s who’d moved to Kansas City and then Oakland.

Say what you will about Finley otherwise, and plenty have, but after the 1972 season Finley noticed two things in particular: 1) American League attendance had dwindled considerably enough in light of lesser run production than he saw the National League enjoying; and, 2) in 1972, Oakland pitching couldn’t hit with garage doors: the A’s pitchers hit a collective .165 with a .198 on-base percentage and a .203 slugging percentage. (There was one A’s pitcher who could hit that season: Hall of Fame reliever Rollie Fingers, who batted .312: six hits in nineteen at-bats.)

The rest of the league didn’t hit much better. The ’72 Orioles, to name one, had a .155 batting average among its pitching staff. (And I’m pretty sure that nobody even thought of paying their pitchers for their batting skills—not when every regular Oriole pitcher that year, starters and relievers, posted a collective 2.53 ERA.) And if the American League was looking for more run production, Finley not only had the answer, he had an unlikely ally.

Commissioner Bowie Kuhn usually considered Finley about as pleasurable as unanesthetised root canal, but this time Kuhn was willing to let Finley have his head. Kuhn allowed the American League to introduce the DH on an experimental basis for 1973. (A Yankee first baseman/outfielder, Ron Blomberg, became the league’s first DH to bat in the regular season; his first time up, he worked a full-count walk off Luis Tiant on Opening Day.) And in year One A.D.H. the American League out-hit the National League. What a surprise that the American League and practically all minor leagues, even those affiliated to National League clubs, adopted it permanently.

The National League got close to adopting the DH again in 1980. Unfortuately, Kuhn advised them that the proposal would bring the DH in for 1982. That’s when things got interesting and dicey at once, because:

* The Phillies’ vice president Bill Giles, who’d represent owner Ruly Carpenter at the voting meeting, had no idea how Carpenter wanted him to vote—because Carpenter was incommunicado on an extended fishing trip.

* The Pirates’ general manager Harding Peterson was instructed to side with the Phillies. Oops.

* The Braves, the Mets, the Cardinals, and the Padres voted in favour of the DH. The Cardinals’ then-general manager John Clairborne was the DH’s most vocal supporter among the National League teams.

* The Cubs, the Reds, the Dodgers, the Expos, and the Giants voted against. (Which showed how forgetful the Reds were of their own recent history: the DH’s first World Series appearance was 1976, when it was applied to both combatants and Reds first baseman Dan Driessen got the job—thus was he the National League’s first-ever designated hitter—for the entire Series, a four-game Reds sweep in which you could argue the DH helped the last Big Red Machine team against the revived but overmatched Yankees.)

* The Phillies, the Pirates, and the Astros abstained. And five days after the vote failed to allow the DH in the National League, the Cardinals fired Clairborne and named manager Whitey Herzog to hold the dual jobs of manager and GM.

CBS Sports’s Jonah Keri isolates one potential sticky spot if the National League accepts the DH now: it may not be the revenue pool enhancer the players’ union may think it to be. Citing Los Angeles Times writer Bill Shaikin’s observation that only two full-time DHs (Nelson Cruz and Khris Davis) qualified for the batting title in 2018, Keri says making the DH a central issue “risks wasting a bullet on a minor roster issue.”

Mega-sluggers who can’t play the field like David Ortiz and Edgar Martinez are practically unicorns in today’s game. Instead, teams typically use the DH spot to give position players quasi-rest days or to take pressure off minor, nagging injuries. From a pure labor perspective then, adding a mandatory universal DH merely grants NL teams the same ability to shuffle players across positions, but does not dramatically open up a new source of widespread, high-paying jobs.

For those purists who insist (wrongly) that the DH “impedes strategy,” shuffling players across positions actually has its strategic enhancements, particularly in things such as double switching in high-leverage late-game situations, not to mention the enhanced options pre-game or even pre-series in terms of differing defensive as well as offensive matchups when about to face particular pitchers.

Keri notices that if the DH came to the National League this seasons, three teams would benefit right out of the chute: the Mets, with a second base overload including aging Robinson Cano and injury-prone Jed Lowrie but also last year’s impressive rookie comer Jeff McNeil; and, the Nationals and the Rockies, who could find more at-bats for such part timers as Matt Adams (the Nats) and Mark Reynolds (the Rockies). They wouldn’t be the only teams.

The single most automatic out in baseball is the pitcher and has been for too long. Since the DH’s advent it’s gone all the way down to junior high schools, never mind college and the minors, so pitchers going untrained even minimally with a bat or on the bases didn’t begin with the turn of the century. The world hasn’t imploded because of it. If the world implodes, it’ll be for reasons having nothing to do with whether you didn’t get to see Clayton Kershaw, Max Scherzer, Jacob deGrom, Luis Severino, or Josh Hader at the plate.

Nor will the world implode if some of the other changes being pondered by the commissioner and the union come to pass. I can’t really object to the pitch clock anymore, either. I’ve seen enough minor league games where it’s been used a long enough time to know that it isn’t hurting anyone. Not the pitchers, not the hitters, and certainly not the quality of the game. There should be transporter aimed at the mound  through which to send pitchers waiting the 21st second to an underground tub of Jell-O. Name it the Baez Transporter, for the Dodgers reliever who takes so long between pitches you can read the closing stock prices and Amazon’s quarterly report.

(While we’re at it, how’s about cutting out the eight warmups for relief pitchers coming in for the first hitter or inning’s work, since they should already be plenty warm? Thought you’d escape without me bringing that up again, didn’t you?)

But I’d throw in a batter’s box clock, too. You get only one chance to call time per plate appearance, adjust your gloves, rub up a little more pine tar on the handle, knock the dirt out of your cleats, needle the catcher, congratulate the ump on the new arrival, insult the third baseman creeping down the line, whatever you like doing when you call time and step out of the box. Install a transporter likewise for the batter’s boxes to trigger when the batter tries for a second time-out in the same plate appearance. Name it Hargrove’s Hazard, after the former player-turned-manager who wasn’t nicknamed the Human Rain Delay because he liked to rush pitchers into throwing to him.

Meanwhile, back at the DH ranch, I’d like to remind you what happened when the now-late Hall of Famer Frank Robinson prepared for the first game he’d manage as baseball’s first black manager, for the 1975 Indians. He gave in to Indians brass who suggested strongly that the fans in Municipal Stadium (a.k.a. the Mistake on the Lake) wanted to see him in the lineup as well as managing, and put himself into the number two lineup spot against Yankee righthander Doc Medich.

With Jackie Robinson’s widow, Rachel, in the house, Robinson batted with one out in the bottom of the first and hit one over the left field fence to bring down the house. If you can think of a better way for a brand-new player-manager to launch the second half of his new job description, feel free to send it this way. But add a third element to that day’s job description. Robinson penciled himself in as the Indians’ DH for the day. Who says DH’s can’t help pioneers pioneer?

Frank Robinson, RIP: There go The Judge

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Brooks Robinson (left) made his fellow Hall of Famer Frank Robinson feel at home immediately in Baltimore.

Hall of Famer Frank Robinson lost a long battle with bone cancer at 83 Thursday. Baseball lost a lot more. It lost a top of the line player, its first black manager, a man who didn’t back down without a fight, and—maybe his least appreciated quality outside his clubhouses—a man with a wicked sense of humour.

Once when the Orioles’ team bus approached a junk yard, Robinson ordered the driver to stop at the yard—so less-than-sure-handed outfielder Curt Blefary, whom Robinson nicknamed Clank, could pick out a new glove. Then, when the Orioles won the 1969 pennant by beating the Twins in the first American League Championship Series, Robinson’s jubilation extended to their coming opponents.

“Bring on the Mets and Ron Gaspar!” Robinson hollered in the clubhouse. Exactly why he singled out that particular Met remains little known, but reserve catcher Merv Rettenmund corrected him: “It’s ROD, stupid!” Retorted Robinson: “Then bring on the Mets and Rod Stupid!” The bad news, of course, was the Mets making the Orioles look stupid in the World Series, sweeping them four straight after the Mets lost Game One.

The good news, among others, was Robinson inaugurating a kangaroo court in the Oriole clubhouse upon his arrival in a trade from the Reds for 1966. By 1969, inspired by the fabled Pigmeat Markham “here come the judge” routines on Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, he wore a clean white string mop on his head and used his bat for a gavel. The court convened after Oriole wins; it brought a new shaft of levity into the team especially when they won their first World Series in 1966 and then romped to the American League East title in 1969, division play’s first season.

After Blefary was traded to the Yankees and he faced the Orioles for the first time as an opponent, he was silly enough to say his former team weren’t going to win “because they don’t have a big red S on their shirts.” The next day, during pre-game batting practise, Blefary was greeted by Robinson, outfielder Paul Blair, and pitchers Mike Cuellar and Moe Drabowsky surrounding him. With all four wearing Superman shirts.

Robinson became an Oriole in the first place because of one of the great front-office brain farts of baseball history. The National League’s 1956 Rookie of the Year in Cincinnati, Robinson had a splendid 1965 for the Reds but the Reds thought, not unreasonably, that they needed to fortify their pitching staff. (One fascinating story to tell might be that of just how on earth the 1960s Reds developed so much pitching talent but found most of it bedeviled by arm and shoulder troubles.) And they had their eyes on Orioles pitcher Milt Pappas.

One of the once-vaunted Baby Birds rotations of the earliest 1960s, Pappas in 1965 had a 2.80 ERA and a 3.24 fielding-independent pitching rate, though baseball brain-trusters didn’t ponder FIP in those years. Needing a more physically dependable arm to pair with ace Jim Maloney (on the threshold of his own shoulder issues, though the Reds didn’t know it at the time), the Reds’ pitching in 1965 had the second-worst overall ERA in the National League and surrendered the most walks.

Why deal Robinson to get Pappas? He played harder than a brick as a Red, hitting for power and hitting for just about anything else, playing the game almost like guerrilla warfare, notorious for slicing and dicing infielders on hard plays at the bases, one of which kicked up a particularly nasty brawl with Braves Hall of Fame third baseman Eddie Mathews. (John Klima in Bushville Wins! has described Mathews as a young man being someone who’d fight just for the thrill of it.)

He’d been bothered by a few leg injuries and a dubious 1961 arrest—Robinson was so angered by a short order cook’s racial taunting in a diner that he showed a .25 pistol he carried (for protection, since he habitually carried large amounts of cash) without realising a police officer was nearby to see it, according to a 1963 profile. Robinson paid a $250 fine and refused to talk about the incident otherwise, other than to say how stupid he’d been to show the pistol in the first place.

One contract holdout plus a 1962 postseason comment in which Robinson thought aloud about quitting the game after the Reds couldn’t win a second straight pennant—which moved manager Fred Hutchinson to demand owner/general manager Bill DeWitt give him a fat raise—may have moved DeWitt toward finding a way to move the outfielder who is still the best all-around position player in the Reds’ history.

DeWitt sounded foolish describing a player who’d hit 33 home runs and driven in 113 runs in 1965 as “a not young thirty,” but it would still be Robinson going to the Orioles for Pappas, relief pitcher Jack Baldschun, and outfielder Dick Simpson in December of that year. Any trepidations Robinson had about Baltimore, whose Orioles had only had a handful of black players since their move from St. Louis, were eliminated when namesake fellow Hall of Famer Brooks Robinson, an Arkansas native, was almost the first to welcome him aboard. “Frank,” the third baseman said, “you’re exactly what we need.”

“Robinson helps the young players,” said manager Hank Bauer, “just by talking to them.”

The two Robinsons also went a long way toward reducing racial tensions in Baltimore. When one particularly clumsy reporter couldn’t distinguish between the two, the import from Cincinnati cracked, “Can’t you see we wear different numbers?” They also went a long way toward making the Orioles far more than also-rans for the city’s sports affections behind football’s Baltimore Colts.

Robinson yanked the Orioles to the pennant with a Triple Crown season that also saw him become the first and so far only player ever to be named each league’s Most Valuable Player and then become the MVP of the Orioles’ World Series sweep of the Dodgers that October. And he became one of the team’s most enthusiastic clubhouse leaders.

A student of the game as well as a hard-edged and productive player, Robinson came to believe a hard collision with White Sox infielder (and unlikely Mets World Series hero-to-be) Al Weis in 1967 left him something less than the player he’d been to that point. (He missed 32 games with a concussion after his head met Weis’s knee a little too sharply.) He had more than enough left to help the Orioles win that 1969 pennant and continue a Hall of Fame playing career regardless. And, to make baseball history.

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Letting Indians brass convince him to put himself in the lineup, manager Robinson blasted a home run against the Yankees his first time up. He fumed that Yankee pitcher Doc Medich tried to embarrass him with a three-pitch strikeout “on my day!”

The Orioles dealt him to the Dodgers for 1972 with a kid named Don Baylor on the way to the Oriole outfield. He had a down season with the Dodgers, then was dealt to the Angels (in the deal that made a Dodger of future free agency pioneer Andy Messersmith) where he had a comeback season, then—after clashes with the rebuilding Angels’ rookie manager Bobby Winkles—was dealt to the Indians in September 1974.

Robinson’s itch to manage was well known; he’d done it in the Puerto Rican winter leagues for a few seasons. When the Indians fired manager Ken Aspromonte after the 1974 season, general manager Phil Seghi had no hesitation in naming Robinson the next manager. Twenty-seven years after one Robinson broke the colour line at age 27, another Robinson—who let his play on the field and his mostly quiet person off it speak for him racially and otherwise—broke the managerial colour line.

At first he wouldn’t put himself into the lineup, until the Indians’ brass convinced him the fans wanted to see him play almost more than manage. So he stood in against Yankee pitcher Doc Medich on Opening Day and smashed a home run his first time up. Which mattered less to him than who was among the cheering crowd: Rachel Robinson, representing her late husband. “I hoped and wished that Jackie could have been there,” the new manager said after the game. “The next best thing was having her there . . . because it kept me focused.”

As relentless as he was when he played the game, Robinson preferred to break barriers quietly. “Jackie and Floyd Patterson were brave men to go [integration marches], but I couldn’t,” he once said of his reluctance to join the civil rights battle publicly. “Not now. Not until I’m through with baseball. I don’t believe baseball should be a fight for anything except baseball.” But he was aware enough that he’d broken a big one with the Indians and let himself savour the moment and the home run.

The bad news was some Indians players less than thrilled over Robinson’s emphasis on physical soundness. (Hall of Fame pitcher Gaylord Perry said infamously, “I’m nobody’s slave!”) As player-manager for two seasons and strictly manager for a third, Robinson’s Indians went 186-189, but he had them with a winning record in the second season before a slow start got him fired early in the third.

He’d get three more chances to manage in the majors. He brought the Giants home with a winning record in strike-shortened 1981 but fell back after losing a couple of key free agents, costing him his job again. Then he took over the Orioles on a six-game losing streak to open 1988, after they canned Cal Ripken, Sr. Robinson and the Zer-Os endured fifteen straight losses more.

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Presiding over the Orioles’ kangaroo court. That’s future Mets/Orioles/Nationals manager Davey Johnson pleading his case to Judge Robinson.

He kept his sense of humour, though. After the Orioles lost their 20th straight, Robinson pulled open his desk drawer to show a pin he’d been given: “It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.” Reminded that Baltimore radio host Bob Rivers was staying on the air until the Orioles won, the 20th straight loss provoked Robinson to say, “We’re gonna kill the poor guy.” They broke the streak, finished 54-107, but then Robinson managed them to 87-75 in 1989, second behind Toronto in the AL East, earning Robinson Manager of the Year honours.

But he moved to the front office after a slow 1991 start and stayed there until he was let go in an Oriole front office shakeup. He moved to the commissioner’s office and the former judge of the kangaroo court became baseball government’s vice president in charge of player discipline, uniform policy (a neat irony there; it was Robinson who introduced the high-cut stirrups players took to wearing in the later 1960s), and other field matters, before getting one more chance to manage.

This time, it was with the Montreal Expos. He took them to two winning records and one losing one before the team was moved to Washington. Thus is Robinson the last Expos manager and the first Nationals manager, but it wasn’t always thrills: he was voted baseball’s worst manager in a players’ poll in 2005. But Robinson did manage his 1,000th win a year later; it took him two more years to manage his 1,000th loss.

In the interim he had a moment that revealed something deeper about the man himself. On 24 May 2006, after Nats third-string catcher Matt LeCroy allowed seven stolen bases while committing a pair of throwing errors, Robinson threw out the so-called unwritten rules and removed LeCroy while the Astros were still at bat in the seventh inning. But Robinson was personally fond enough and respectful enough of LeCroy that, despite the Nats hanging in to win 8-5, the skipper broke to tears when talking after the game.

“It was a move that I wasn’t trying to embarrass him in any way,” Robinson told reporters through the tears. “It was just a move, at the time, at that moment, I just felt had to do it.” LeCroy stood by his skipper, too. “If my daddy was managing this team,” said the catcher, “I’m sure he would have done the same thing.”

That was less out of character for Robinson than people believed who knew him only as a hard, determined, take-no-prisoners Hall of Famer who finished his playing career with 586 home runs, 211 runs produced per 162 games, and 107.3 wins above a replacement-level player, which marks him as the fifth best right fielder ever to play the game. After the 1969 season, Robinson made sure the proceeds from his kangaroo court’s fines were donated to . . . Reds catcher Pat Corrales, whose wife died during the season while giving birth to their fourth child.

Growing up fatherless (his parents divorced when he was an infant) in Oakland, Robinson—nicknamed Pencils by his friends for his skinny physique—took to baseball to stay out of trouble. (His high school friends and teammates included future Reds outfield mainstay Vada Pinson, future reserve clause challenger Curt Flood, and basketball giant Bill Russell.) The only real trouble he caused was for enemy pitchers and infielders.

Baseball was only slightly less blessed to have The Judge than heaven will be. The kangaroo court ought to be a regular riot.

I surrender—let the NL have the DH

Philadelphia Phillies v Chicago Cubs

They once said, “There’ll sooner be night games at Wrigley than the DH in the NL,” didn’t they? Well, now . . .

There was a time you would think the world would implode if the National League adopted the designated hitter, as the American League did in 1973 and as the Major League Baseball Players Association wants the National League to do soon. And some people still believe it. Well, there was also a time (and a rather noisy contingency arguing either way) when you would have thought the world would implode if the lights finally went on at Wrigley Field, which they did on 8 August 1988.

You still may find Cub fans who think that was a date equal in infamy only to the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, the Chicago Fire, or the 1968 Democratic National Convention riots. The only thing in Chicago infamous about the night the lights went on at Wrigley was the game between the Cubs and the Phillies being rained out before the fourth inning was finished.

Surely there were enough Cub traditionalists who believed the rains were God expressing His displeasure, as if decades of losing baseball with only the occasional rude interruption were worth the preservation of the great daytime at the Friendly Confines. All the rainout did was delay the inevitable. The following night, the lights went on at Wrigley Field again. And the Cubs beat the Mets, 6-4.

That and the world failing to implode on cue was the good news. The bad news was that the presidential campaign, the Preppie vs. Zorba the Clerk, continued apace. Little by little, from that day forward, Cub Country began assimilating the idea that some traditions weren’t worth keeping if they secured other distasteful traditions—like losing baseball. They finally won their first World Series since the Roosevelt Administration (Theodore’s) at night, too.

“Lovely, just lovely. The park is lovelier than my team,” Mets manager Casey Stengel said when he saw Shea Stadium for the first time. Cub fans finally figured out that their ballpark was lovelier than their team even under the lights. And maybe National League traditionalists are figuring out that the designated hitter isn’t the spawn of Satan, after all.

Sure it’s fun when Madison Bumgarner hits those home runs every couple of blue moons, the way he did twice on Opening Day once. But as NBC Sports’s Craig Calcaterra reminds us, Bumgarner’s lifetime slash line as a hitter is .183/.228/.313, with a 54 OPS+. If you think the Giants pay Bumgarner for the seventeen home runs he’s hit in ten major league seasons, hurry up before you miss the Orioles moving back to St. Louis.

Oho, but the NL’s lack of a DH “adds value to guys like Bumgarner and Kershaw and Scherzer who are good at all of baseball, not just part of it,” says one tweeting responder to Calcaterra’s reminder. “And it also adds strategy to the late innings.”

If Bumgarner’s batting slash line indicates he’s good at “all” of baseball, then I’ve been learning about law enforcement from Bonnie and Clyde. Clayton Kershaw’s batting slash is .163/.209/.188 with a 14 OPS+. Max Scherzer’s lifetime slash is .194/.227/.220 with a 22 OPS+. All you have so far is Bumgarner out-slugging two fellow pitchers, as well as batting lines like that indicating that none of the three is good at all of baseball. And they’re only being paid to be good at one thing which is a full-time job.

The late-inning strategic argument now makes as much sense as trying to put out a factory fire with water pistols. For longer than you might care to think, managers haven’t been lifting as many pitchers as once upon a time for pinch hitters; assuming their incumbents and their defenses are getting the jobs done otherwise, the managers have been going to the bullpens to begin late innings, and they’re going to pinch hitters for other than pitchers (depending on the depth of their position playing roster) more often.

Incidentally, pitchers overall in 2018 batted .115. Those who think bringing the DH to the National League would reduce it to the “kiddie league” they think the American League is with it should ponder Thomas Boswell: “It’s fun to see Max Scherzer slap a single to right field and run it out like he thinks he’s Ty Cobb. But I’ll sacrifice that pleasure to get rid of the thousands of rallies I’ve seen killed when an inning ends with one pitcher working around a competent No. 8 hitter so he can then strike out the other pitcher. When you get in a jam in the AL, you must pitch your way out of it, not ‘pitch around’ your way out of it.”

Did you know that the first three World Series after the American League adopted the DH were played without it? It didn’t show up in the Series until 1976, when baseball decided all Series games would feature a DH. The Mustache Gang Athletics won the 1973 and 1974 Series (and the ’73 Series was closer than even its seven-game length suggests: the A’s scored only three runs more than the Mets); the Reds beat the Red Sox in the 1975 thriller.

Then came the 1976 Series with Dan Driessen, the Reds’ first baseman, as the National League’s first-ever designated hitter. He did that job for all four games of the Big Red Machine’s sweep of the revived Yankees. (He did it well enough to post a 1.152 OPS for the Series—second only to Series MVP and Hall of Famer Johnny Bench.) The Series featured the DH for all until 1986, when it was applied strictly in the American League park. Red Sox pitcher Bruce Hurst looked so inept trying to bat in Game One of that Series (in Shea Stadium, and Hurst struck out in all three plate appearances) that even the umpires fought not to laugh too hard.

Another question is why on earth would you care to risk a pitcher being injured while swinging a bat or running the bases? Stop laughing and remember Adam Wainwright. In his seventh game of 2015, in late April, Wainwright popped his Achilles tendon . . . while batting. He lost the rest of that season, the Cardinals lost the division series to the Cubs, and he’s never been the same pitcher since that he was before the injury.

Stop laughing and remember Chien-Ming Wang. He looked like a Yankee mainstay in the making, until a 2008 interleague game against the Astros, before the Astros were moved to the American League. Wang reached base as a batter and was rounding for home on a subsequent play when he tore the lisfranc ligament in his right foot.

He missed the rest of the season and never again looked like the pitcher who was the fastest Yankee to reach fifty pitching wins since Ron Guidry. His injury-pockmarked-from-there career ended in 2016, after three more major league teams tried to revive him and failed. But boy wasn’t it fun to see one of those American League pitchers have to run the bases and play real baseball!

(Don’t even think about uttering “Shohei Ohtani.” The Angels never let him bat on the days he pitched last year, and they never let him pitch on the days they plugged him into the lineup as the DH. Ohtani is an outlier, albeit an extremely talented one who earned his Rookie of the Year award.)

Sandy Koufax’s Hall of Fame career was shortened by elbow arthritis when he was, well, not at his peak but about ten dimensions beyond it. Do you remember how that arthritis made itself manifest after who knew how long it merely festered in gestation? It started in August 1964—on the bases. On a pickoff attempt. (I looked it up for you: Koufax only once ever tried to steal a base and was caught red handed, and probably red faced.)

If you remember how futile Koufax was with a bat in his hands overall, you’d think the idea of him on base at all, never mind trying to pick him off, was tantamount to sending Willie Mays out to pitch a no-hitter. When Koufax scrambled back (he was safe), he made a perfect four point landing on his elbows and knees, jamming his left elbow a little. Two starts and wins later, he awoke to a pitching elbow the size of his knee. Career days numbered, even if nobody realised it in the moment.

Koufax, Wainwright, and Wang are just three examples. You can also remember Randy Johnson’s career finish—four mere relief appearances in 2009 with the Giants. Until he made those, Johnson spent about a third of that season on the disabled list with a torn rotator cuff—incurred while he was batting. Was that the way you wanted to see a great pitcher mosey off into the proverbial sunset of a Hall of Fame career?

Sure, we all had a blast when Bartolo Colon, then a Met, bombed James Shields into the left field seats in 2016, in San Diego, for Colon’s first major league home run. It was a laugh and a half of pleasure watching Colon run the bases like a cement truck with a flat inner rear tire, and watching the Mets empty the dugout before he arrived after touching the plate.

It was such a blast we almost forgot Colon was 43 years old, in his nineteenth major league season, in only his 226th lifetime at-bat since he spent the big bulk of his career in the American League. His lifetime slash: .084/.092/.107, and an OPS+ of minus-45. And I didn’t notice the Mets in any big hurry to have him grab a bat and starting loosening up to pinch hit in the wild card game they lost that year.

You’ve probably heard it said often enough that American League teams with the DH can put what amounts to an extra leadoff hitter into the number nine batting lineup slot. Why would it be so terrible for National League teams to do that? Especially since sliding in an extra leadoff hitter might move the line appropriately enough for them to slide an extra potential run producer into the number two slot?

America is a country that has had growing pains enough in its comparatively young life that several traditions have died to no regret. Some died very hard, though die they must. (We fought a civil war over one of them.) Some died over longer and more cumulatively painful times, though die they must. Enough of them absolutely had to die and we are by and large better for that. The question to ask of tradition is not whether tradition qua tradition is to be preferred, it’s whether there are those traditions that are hazardous to a nation’s core principles or a game’s health.

Baseball’s had some growing pains, too. There was once a time when the nation and some of the game’s leading figures thought the home run would destroy the game. Ty Cobb and John McGraw objected to its impediment (so they alleged) to “scientific baseball.” (Which didn’t stop McGraw from nurturing and turning Hall of Famer Mel Ott loose when that National League home run king came under his wing and of age.) Ring Lardner once said the advent of the live ball and the home run ruined baseball for him far more than the Black Sox scandal could.

There was once a time when baseball feared such things as broadcasting, night ball (and remember, again, how long the Cubs held out against it), and shifting franchise locations would be the end of the game as we know it.

They thought free agency would make the game competitively imbalanced, too. As if the game was in perfect competitive balance when the Yankees won all those 20th Century reserve-era pennants and there were only two exceptions to New York World Series winners (the 1957 Braves, the 1959 Dodgers) during the 1950s.

The National League has held out against the DH about as long as the Cubs once held out against night ball. (The Cubs actually started planning night ball before Pearl Harbour and the world war to come compelled then-owner Phil Wrigley to send the planned lights and support structure materials away on behalf of the war effort.) And like the Cubs and their faithful regarding the lights, the DH in the National League won’t inflict  curved spines, hairy hands, or erectile dysfunction.

Baseball suffers more profound compromisings. Things like tanking teams. Things like hitters obsessed with launch angles. Things like hitters and coaches un-obsessed with busting the shifts by thinking about hitting into the wide-open spaces even (especially?) when there’s a no-hitter in the making against them. (You’re fool enough to leave that wide open a space for me when your guy’s pitching a no-hitter, you’ve bought your own busted no-no.) Things like the so-called “unwritten rules” to which too many players keep clinging. (I say again: you want to play baseball like businessmen, wear three piece suits on the field.)

The Opening Day Bumgarners and the Twilight Zone Colons are the extremely rare exceptions, not the rules. What would you prefer, really, the thrill that appears as frequently as Halley’s Comet; or, the thrills that come every day from men doing their proper jobs for nine innings or more, without risking losing one of them to injuries doing things they’re not being paid to do? (Speaking of thrills, I’m sure even die-hard National League fans weren’t immune to those provided by David Ortiz, to name one, for several postseason Red Sox conquerors.)

“We try every way we can think of to kill this game, but for some reason nothing nobody does never hurts it,” said Sparky Anderson, once upon a time. The sun will still rise, the moon will still shine, the flora will still bloom, the fauna will still roam, and life as we know it will go ever onward, even when the National League accepts reality and the designated hitter.